Never take your eyes off the end goal. Keep them affixed upon the horizon because beyond that lies what you’ve been striving for. Do whatever you need to in the meantime to fuel yourself - physically, emotionally, creatively - until you get there.
Truth time: my eyes drifted. Momentarily, imperceptibly, sadly undeniable.
In the emotional upheaval of leaving my personal purgatory, I stumbled. The horizon was lost to me.
Because, as most, I had to do other things in order to continue.
That may sound melodramatic, but it’s no less true.
With no reliable monthly paycheck, I had to root out other means of earning money to keep the lights on.
Now, I’ve always been terrible at sneaking games, which immediately scuppered my dreams of bald-headed hitman or assassin related glory.
Imagine this (glances below) but as a tragic comedy of errors...
With those very believable and not at all fabricated options off the table, that left me in a bit of a monetary bind as the “between jobs” spectre began to loom large.
And then...freelancing.
Sir. Freelancelot
For the time being, I’ve landed on my feet as Sir. Freelancelot, though my mind is never far from the realities of what that entails, both pros and cons.
The real thrill of it, three months out, is having been paid to write.
The work I’ve found myself undertaking is a mix of on-set work and concept development/scriptwriting, primarily for - of all imaginable companies - mothercare.
The on-set work has been interesting and, at the very least, sees me line my pockets, sure, but it’s the concept development and scriptwriting that has afforded me a sense of value I’ve been unfamiliar with for the better part of 8 years.
In that time, I’ve also been able to pick up a gig with wrestling news website.
I am undeniably a ‘lifer’ when it comes to the squared circle, so being able to write for an established, reputable website like SEScoops was a great opportunity.
I’ve written for a number of sites in the past, always with the understanding that it was for that awfully redundant concept of “experience” or “exposure.”
Not here.
It won’t pay the rent or mortgage, but a cup of coffee? Hey, man, I fucking love coffee. I’m more than happy to give in to the siren song of my Caffeine Queen.
"[...] it’s like breaking the surface and gulping lungfuls of fresh air for the first time after having been drowning. "
In truth, I love the freelance lifestyle. It makes an inate sense to me. It naturally fits. It clicks.
The freedom it affords is refreshing - it’s like breaking the surface and gulping lungfuls of fresh air after having been drowning. I hope to sustain this positive momentum going forward.
But, in those three defining months since leaving, I became too wrapped up in a freelance tunnel vision.
The idea of working and earning whilst magically affording me time to commit to my creative writing, of finding an agent, of getting published was somehow lost in the excitement, fear, and sheer learning process of this new freelancing ‘normal.’
It took me a while to become aware of this, and like anybody who needs refocusing and realignment, the first step is an acceptance that they had lost their way.
I did, but I’m ready to find my way back. I’ll just be learning to balance this freelance thing at the same time.
Steve Russell
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