On April 7th 2019, Kofi Kingston achieved his lifelong dream of becoming WWE Champion. He defeated Daniel Bryan for the championship in front of 82,265 people, culminating a journey that comprised 11 years worth of blood, sweat, tears, effort, rejection, doubt, and belief.
Last weekend, Dustin Poirier headlined UFC 236. He defeated Max Holloway to be crowned the new interim Lightweight champion. His journey took 10 years since his initial pro debut—and that’s ignoring the amount of time spent training in the gym just to get a chance at starting his career.
Want to know what Kofi and Dustin have in common with Stan Lee, JK Rowling, Samuel L. Jackson, and Alan Rickman?
They all found their version of success later in life.
Life Goals.
From childhood, we are conditioned to have a goal—one that, in theory, will eventually lead us to great success, whatever that means or looks like to you.
Most parents ingrain this mentality. Be better. Be successful. Be rich.
The (unspoken) caveat?
Achieve it as soon as possible.
The mentality is reinforced through modern education, especially when you hit a particular age that forces one of the toughest questions a young person can encounter: what do you want to do with your life?
The question is loaded. It’s so heavy with possibility and laced with intimidation because of it. At that crucial age when you may be asked this, you barely have a grasp or understanding of who you are as a person, let alone what you want to commit your emotional efforts into for future you!
What are your interests? What decisions have you been making that will set you up for the future? How are you going to spend the rest of your life?
Heavy, Doc. Heavy.
Officially Overwhelmed
Teenage years are spent trying to determine who you are, what you actually like, and discovering the things that will help to shape future you. For most, all they want to do is have fun with their friends. For others, it’s a life long journey of introspective discovery.
It’s a vast existential concept to grapple—one that isn't limited or exclusive to a certain age range.
I’ve known people in the mid-20s, early-30s, and more on both sides, that don’t know what they want to do. They still don’t know where they’re going or what their passions or ambitions are, the toll on their mental health and self-worth made all the more severe due to the earlier conditioning they experienced in their childhood and formative teenage years.
Who wants a 9-5 in something they don’t even like, stuck in a lather, rinse, repeat work mode until the sweet relief of death? It’s no wonder the majority of today’s modern workforce is despondent and disenchanted with what they do.
Having a goal, an ambition, can help to drive a person. It imbues them with purpose and direction—but it can also lead them into a dark downward spiral, one that is only exacerbated by the obstacles, rejections, and struggles that will always present themselves along the journey to accomplishing those goals.
It’s not about how many times you get knocked down, after all, but how many times you force yourself to get back up. It’s about looking at those insurmountable obstacles and saying “I can do this all day” and pressing on.
But it’s also a difficult mental exercise to separate emotions from your struggle. The two go hand-in-hand in a lot of ways, and it can be argued that without the difficulty, the success wouldn’t be as sweet (I'm diligently working on finding out if this is true). Knowing what you want to do, putting the work in, making sure you follow all prerequisite formality, yet aren’t receiving the momentum or traction that should come as a result from it all is a bitter pill to swallow.
It’s rough; not because of a false sense of entitlement, but because you just want the universe to bend the tiniest fraction to allow for that perfect alignment: the work arriving at the right time, allowing luck to lead to opportunity.
So this compounds into understandable frustration—made all the worse by the established idea that, because you are struggling, because you aren’t doing what you dream of doing compared to those that have already 'made it,' then you are inherently a loser. A never was. An abject failure.
But why?
The Race To Compare And Despair
This toxic mentality creeps in when you’re not expecting it, and there are so many factors that play into it. But the idea that because you aren’t on the career path of your dreams now, doesn’t necessarily mean you never will be. People find success at all stages of life. Some luck out early and segue into long careers in the field of their choice. Others aren’t so lucky, the universe bending for them later in life.
There is no ‘race,’ but we fall into the trap believing there is.
We compare and despair, forcing ourselves into a self-loathing cycle of doubt and stress because we see what other people are doing. The YouTubers, the Influencers, the bloggers and ‘personalities.’
Their presence and work ethic holds up an uncomfortable mirror for many, so we reflect their success onto our sense of failure or lack of progress. But success looks like different things to different people.
Mainstream media and education have a particularly unhealthy take, and the two aren’t afraid to feed into each other. There’s always something else, something more, and we are programmed to feel underwhelmed and unhappy with what we do have in relation to what we supposedly need.
Having a dream is a beautiful motivator, as is being inspired by others’ hard work and creative offerings—but having society/parents/an education system juxtapose it with the fact you haven’t achieved it only leads to one natural, emotional reaction, as demonstrated here by the incomparable Tommy Wiseau. Yet we are still systemically indoctrinated into this line of thinking.
Have that drive and embrace your chosen path, but try not to let it grind you, your mental health, or your self-worth down in the process. There is no race. No set path. Age is not a factor for writing, painting, podcasting, whatever. There is only the unique journey that you are on, frustrations, victories and all.
So take each setback as they come and try to enjoy those wins, no matter how minor, as they appear along the way. Bit by bit, inch by inch, as long as you stay focused on the end goal, and the universe grants you that little bit of luck to grant you an opportunity, then it’s never too late. That’s the very essence of perseverance. It’s what you need to become a card-carrying member of #TeamPerseverance. That and a £29.99 (non-refundable) sign up fee, of course.
You aren’t in competition and, for most, the experience is a marathon, not a sprint. You may find yourself comparing and despairing—I know I have and, on occasion, do—but if you try to cut out those harmful elements and habits then the only thing left is your self-growth—growth that will hopefully help you with every lesson to focus on yourself and your own journey.
I know more often than not you’ll be anxiously wanting to cut past the low point of Act II, but maybe this is just part of the process. Perhaps the lessons learned are the ones needed.
Either way, try and relax and enjoy the ride. Besides, sometimes the scenic route is more than you could ever imagine.
Steve R
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